Fucking bastard, that Rawson. I mean if you get one of these things on your Facebook page, some “Which Prehistoric Farmville Mobwars Unicorn are YOU Most Like in Bed” quiz, you can just ignore that. But he tagged my fucking BLOG, man. He tossed this stinking gauntlet right into the virginal expanse of my intellectual sweetmeats. Plus, he’s the King Poohbah (or at least part of the ruling oligarchy) over at that Crime Factory thing, so I gotta stay on his good side.
So here’s the deal. He wants me to play show and tell in this “Creative Writer” award meme John McFetridge tagged him with. The ground rules?
• Tell up to six outrageous lies about yourself, and at least one outrageous truth – or – switch it around and tell six outrageous truths and one outrageous lie. (See below.)
• Nominate some more “Creative Writers” who might have fun coming up with outrageous lies of their own. (Check the end of this post.)
• Post links to the blogs you nominate.
• Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know that you have nominated them.
Now, Rawson manned up and took the truth telling route, so if he thinks I’m gonna show my man panties and go liar, he’s got another thing coming. Five truths, one lie coming up:
1. I got me a dueling scar — an actual, honest-to-God sabre hickey betwixt my snoz and my kisser.
2. I once got arrested for impersonating a 5’6″, 160 pound Mexican (hey, it’s funny if you’ve seen me).
3. My wife has more siblings than the original U S of A had states and we’ve got more nieces and nephews than the UN’s got America-hating third-world shit holes.
4. In one long month late in 1977, several little kids I didn’t even know urinated in my lap.
5. Joelle Charbonneau decided against taking up competitive skating after seeing me nail a triple during my fabled Swan Lake number. She knew she’d never achieve such heart-rending grace or look that good in spandex.
6. I can actually tell you what shit like transfer pricing, step up in basis, carried interest, and SALT nexus mean — but I am going upside your head if you ask.
Now, since the plague’s no fun if you just stay home and die, I gotta wander around cyberspace and decide who’s face I’m gonna spit in. Let’s see, there’s