I saw your video – the one where you emptied your .45 into your daughter’s laptop because you didn’t like her Facebook post. Maybe you’re hoping I’m one of the thousands of people who shared it, usually with a comment like “I love this guy!” or “This is my new hero!”
I didn’t, I don’t, and you’re not.
Oh sure, as theater, it was fine. But it wasn’t supposed to be theater. It was supposed to be about disciplining your fifteen-year-old daughter, Hannah. (And the fact that I know her name is part of the problem. I suppose, since you posted this to her page, if I wanted to work back through all the shares, I could find her last name, too. I could find out where she lives. I could find out lots of things about her. But you’re an IT guy right? You know that. I guess you just don’t care.)
Discipline was called for. Her post was rude. It was disrespectful. It demonstrated considerable immaturity and seemed to have been written by a spoiled kid with an unhealthy sense of entitlement. But, when you get down to it, her offense was this – she wrote a Facebook post complaining that you made her do too many chores, a post seasoned with some bad language, and she blocked you from her page so you wouldn’t see it.
What troubled me was your response. Your opening salvo was that, because you work in IT, she should have known you would see the post. She should have known you were smarter than her. She should have known she could never get away with it. How old are you, 40? Shouldn’t you be a little smarter than a fifteen-year-old? That’s not a criticism of her behavior, that’s a criticism of her intelligence. You just want to prove how smart you are. She thought she could post something insulting about you on her Facebook page and you wouldn’t know about it? You sure showed her. You posted something insulting about her on her Facebook page. Nyah Nyah Nyah. By the way, half a day to upgrade a fifteen-year-old’s laptop? Some hot-shot IT guy you must be.
Your logic sucks. You say “you may never see this” because you’re about to destroy the computer and, evidently, ban her from Facebook and any other technology you can think of ”maybe until college.” If she’s not supposed to see this, then what’s the point? This isn’t designed to discipline her, it isn’t designed to modify her behavior, it’s designed to humiliate your own daughter without her knowledge – one of the things you accuse her of doing.
Maybe one of the reasons your logic sucks is because you can’t remember the premises on which you are basing your argument. You say you grounded her for three months for doing something “stupid and childish” like this before, that you almost put a bullet through her computer that time, and that you’d warned her to never do it again. Then you admit that you can’t even remember what the “stupid and childish” thing that she did was. So you can’t remember the specific behavior the grounding was intended to correct the first time, but you’re sure this another example of it? I think what you’re sure of is that your daughter pisses you off from time to time, and every time she does, you are going to by-god teach her who the alpha dog is in this household, by Gumby.
But whatever it was she did, it was stupid and childish, right? The kid is fifteen. Stupid and childish goes with the territory. If you can’t deal with stupid and childish, then you shouldn’t have had, well, children. If you’re going to shoot your fifteen-year-old’s laptop when she puts up a Facebook post you don’t like, what are you going to do if she cuts school? Gets drunk? You find a joint in her room? What are you going to escalate to when she actually does something really bad? Shoot her?
You claim that one of your complaints about her post was that it contained foul language. OK, I suppose everyone has their own standards, and if I caught one of my kids posting language like that at fifteen, I’d have a chat with them about it. But you use the word “pissed” in your video. That’s OK, but shit isn’t? You make some kind of qualitative linquistic distinction between references to solid and liquid waste? And then you turn around and call you own daughter a “lazy ass.” On video. In public. For the whole world to see. That’s not discipline, that’s bullying.
As you repeatedly pointed out, she doesn’t have a job. So she didn’t pay for that laptop – you did. She might have been the one using it, but it belonged to you. Depriving her of its use teaches her a lesson. Destroying it just costs you money. You could have locked it up somewhere. You could have donated it to a school or to some kid in the area that couldn’t afford one. All you did by destroying a relatively expensive piece of your own property was teach the kid that you have anger management issues. It does make for better video though, right? Oh, you also taught her that you like to shoot stuff. By the way, the people n the red house behind you? Did you give them a call and warn them that you were going to empty a clip? Or do you just like to scare the shit out of your neighbors? Lucky you didn’t catch a bullet fragment or a chunk of computer in your foot.
Has it occurred to you that most of what was wrong with her post is your own fault? She complains that “at least once a day you tell me I should get a job.” Then why doesn’t she have one? You’re the parent – you’re supposed to use encouragement and consequences to generate the behaviors and character traits you want. You’re supposed to teach kids, with love and consistent rewards and punishments, that they do have to earn their way, that they do have to do chores, that they do have obligations to their families, their communities, to the world. If the kid is fifteen and hasn’t learned that yet, either she’s a sociopath, or she hasn’t been taught. If she has learned that, if this letter was just a teenage temper tantrum that’s out of character for her, then you are a monster. I think she’s learned, though. Based on your video, she’s learned exactly what you’ve taught her – you get your way in the world by humiliating people, complaining about people, bullying people.
So what was this really about? Discipline? Cleary not. You blowing off steam? This wasn’t you losing your temper. This was no act of passion. You had to set up the camera, get her computer, get your gun, head to wardrobe for your cool hat.
I’m pretty sure it was about this. It was about going viral. It was about trying to become the latest web sensation. At your own daughter’s expense.
You know how to do that, right? After all, you’re an IT guy.
Shame on you.
I agree wholeheartedly. The act reeks of self-aggrandizement.
Good points, Dan. Something I’ve been thinking about this whole thing is that kids have been complaining about their parent’s since there’s been children. She felt the need to vent and sure, she made a poor choice about where. She blocked it to some point, although we don’t know how much. At least her parents weren’t supposed to see it. In the past it would have been written in a diary. Now its the internet. We’ve also had to talk to one of our children about things posted online and complaining about us. But that was a private chat, not a public humiliation.
If this is his idea of proportional response, I guess if his father is still around and disagrees with his response, he can cut this douche’s head off.
That man is an asshole, and someone should take that gun away from him pronto. And all the people who loved that? Who cheered that piece of shit’s action? I hope none of them have children. Or access to firearms. Fucking morons, without exception.
You know, I agree with Pissed-off Dad that his kid needs to stop being so lazy and self-involved, whining about chores on the Internet. But I agree with you, Dan, that punishing her by posting a video online isn’t quite the right approach. As you said, taking the computer away from her for good and donating it to a charity (or better yet, giving it to the “cleaning lady” she mentioned, who he says is bartering her cleaning services for something else) would’ve been an even better lesson about the haves losing what they’ve got when the gifts aren’t respected. Kids will always complain about how strict their parents are, whether it’s on Facebook or in person with their friends. Shooting the messenger isn’t the answer.
Thanks, dan. this guy’s an asshole, and he’s what’s wrong with america, not his daughter. Because he is an adult, acting like a child. He is outraged that she doesn’t kiss his ass … for holding a job and paying taxes. With the kind of example he’s setting, I look forward to his daughter humiliating children on the internet for our entertainment.
You said it better than I ever could —
This is interesting. When I saw that video I laughed but then I started to think about that poor 15 year old and how this public humiliation by her father would affect her. Girls this age can be emotionally and psychologically fragile. I hope for the sake of her family and herself that she won’t do something equally as “extreme” as her father in retaliation to this. Like run away from home or God forbid commit suicide. It’s not beyond the realm of possibilities for children at this tender age.
Dad’s idea of discipline is more immature than anything his child has done. And that’s where his mistake is, expecting her to behave like an adult when she’s not, yet forgetting that he is, in fact, an adult himself… yet he’s behaved like a child himself. How ironic!
Good on you Dan for posting this 🙂
Someone needs to report to Child Services that entity who was partially responsible for bringing Hannah into the world – I refuse to call him a ‘dad’ or even ‘father’, because he is NEITHER… the man (sorry, that is an insult to real men) – that creature is an unmitigated, retarded, sociopathic ASSHOLE!!
I’m sorry… can you tell I am pissed beyond belief!
A message to that person… ‘you get everything you deserve… sometimes double!’ You are a poor excuse for a parent and the way you treat your daughter is going to come back and tear a huge chunk out of your ass!
Hmmm… still pretty pissed. Maybe I better stop writing.
He was reported, over and over. They thanked him for his time and left…empty handed. Seems he didn’t break one single law. I know you’re disappointed.
I miss the time when the masses didn’t dictate how individuals raised their kids.
This kind of stuff had been happening for years and years, the difference now is that we have the Internet to spread it, and have softened to the point that it matters to us…complete strangers.
It shouldn’t matter to us, Jim. I shouldn’t know a damn thing about it.I certainly shouldn’t know the kid’s name. But I didn’t decide to try to make myself an internet sensation at my daughter’s expense. He did. The internet didn’t “spread” it, he did.
What matters to us is that his psychological abuse can later have disastrous consequences… not just for him or his daughter… but for others as well
Serial killers aren’t born… they are made.
Yeah… yeah… yeah… I’m sure I am just over-reacting…
Signed…. “The Drama Queen”
Honestly all it makes me think is that the daughter turned out relatively normally if that was what raised her. That, and that people forget that kids occasionally have a reason to complain, especially if dad is wandering around handing out “gifts” that are really just chains to tie you to him and feed his ego.
a better response to a daughter’s disrespectful post on facebook would have been to print out the facebook post and tape it to the fridge. leave it there for days. that way EVERYONE sees it. well … everyone in the family. not everyone on the internet. then ignore your daughter for a day or two. let her worry about what’s going to happen to her. then ground her for a month. and then … and only then … take the fridge out and shoot it for allowing you to tape that disrespectful facebook post to it. then shoot the internet. then shoot all the computers that loaded the facebook post. then … well … you get the idea
Dan: Although my initial reaction to the video was “You go, Dad,” something stopped me from writing an immediate comment. Then I started thinking about the video and wondered about the family dynamics in which the daughter was being raised. It’s clear that she’s a spoiled brat, and in my experience as a former mental health therapist, spoiled brats are made, not born. There’s always an enabler. Unfortunately, many enablers have misplaced intentions and many times they have good intentions gone wrong. The father seems to suffer from the same anger and entitlement issues as the daughter with whom he’s disappointed. Evidently, he taught her well (I also wonder about her mother who the father said told him to shoot the computer once for her) It’s obvious that the father’s reaction was calculated and violent. If he was willing too express his anger in this manner on Facebook for all to see, I wonder what he does behind closed doors. I wish I could express my thoughts on this matter as well as you did. Thanks for your well-written response.
P.S. If child protective services hasn’t already paid a visit to the girl’s family, I suspect they will soon.
I’m a firm believer that most bad behavior by children (unless, like you mention, the child is a sociopath) is the fault of the parent. This is reinforced time and a again in public when almost always bad kids in public are being ignored/prodded/bullied by bad parents.
Thank you for writing this. I am dismayed at how long it took to find a post on the web that wasn’t in support of this “parenting” tactic.
HAHAHAHAH! man, wow, someone has way too much time on his hands. for someone to pick apart what happenend like you did is just crazy. im sure you know the ins and outs of it. im sure you know how this guys daughter acts all day every day. shes probably just a spoiled BRAT that she stays in trouble all the time. its probably no wonder that he cant remember the last thing she was grounded for becuse she stays in trouble all the time. you, and all the people posting comments on this blog, are whats wrong with us today. heaven forbid someone discipline their child in a way that gets through to them. freaking hippocrates these days….cant discipline your children for fear of someone calling child freaking services and, when your child does something wrong, its the partens fault. DUMB!
Hippocrates died in 370 BCE; I hardly think he’s calling child protective services on anyone.
And if your boss used a gun in any fashion to discipline you at the office, wouldn’t you call that inappropriate? It shouldn’t be different or less creepy just because the two people are related, or one is under 18.
Gun dad is a psycho. Turns out he discovered his daughter’s actions by logging in as the family dog. That man needs a rubber room to call home. And he shouldn’t be allowed to hold a bullet, let alone own a gun.
Cheese:
“im sure you know how this guys daughter acts all day every day. shes probably just a spoiled BRAT that she stays in trouble all the time.” Bcause I am sure you know the ins and outs of her family.
“its probably no wonder that he cant remember the last thing she was grounded for becuse she stays in trouble all the time.”
“As far as we know, this was her first facebook offense, but I’m sure you know better.
“you, and all the people posting comments on this blog, are whats wrong with us today. heaven forbid someone discipline their child in a way that gets through to them.”
We don’t know how this gets through to her. That’s the point. His 15 year old acted like a 15 year and her dad acted like a 15 year old in response. Way to model good behavior.
“freaking hippocrates these days….cant discipline your children for fear of someone calling child freaking services and, when your child does something wrong, its the partens fault.”
Yes, the child is at fault for her actions. But, the supposed “mature” father who logged in as his family’s dog to spy on his daughter is also being held responsible for his actions. He put the video out there. He was the one with the purty hat, pristola, and Marlboro talking smack about his kid. People like you have no room to complain about the reactions he’s getting — bottom line, he’s a WATB and a bully.
I do love the whole “logged on as the family dog” angle. On his video, he makes it seem like he used some super-secret tech vodoo.
Not that any of that should matter. If what the kid did was wrong, it was wrong period, not wrong because she should have known her dad would catch her at it. BTW, my kids couldn’t have a FB page prior to 18 unless I was a friend. I didn’t sneak around spying on them, they just knew that parental oversight was a built-in part of the deal.
Funny thing, my youngest is now 21. I’m still her FB friend. Because she wants me to be.
It makes me more than a little irritated when parents sink to the level of their children when said children misbehave. They”re kids, they’re expected to be a bit whiney, immature, to make mistakes and be disciplined. But YOU are the adult. Your time for “doing what feels good” when someone angers you ended the second the stick turned blue, buddy. So she’s fifteen, and with some proper parenting and a bit of time, she might grow out of it. What’s your excuse? Not only did you behave with the same maturity of a spoiled fifteen year old, you did it with bullets. By homes. Publicly. I call bully, I call overcompensating, I call bad parenting. I thank whatever powers that be that I had such an amazing father instead of a dangerous, overgrown toddler like you.
Awwww . . . although, thinking back to when you were fifteen . . . nah, not in public. Thanks, darlin’.
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Homer Simpson is a better father than that idiot.